Roughly five years in healing. I often mention the time passing because it still feels surreal, considering the decade I spent believing this place and this feeling didn’t exist for me.
My heart still hurts and I am still vulnerable to violence but I am stronger now and not alone. Feeling the closest I’ve known to my being, my body and my truth. Feeling emotions in the present moment reach into my past less and less, present robbed by the past less and less. Continuously challenged with my learned hyper vigilance but slowly and gently with the help of my support system rewiring my brain to release the multitude of things that once protected me and no longer serve me. Mending my overworked nervous system. Unconditionally loving 11 year old Amanda who has been resurfacing for love and safety.
For the first time experiencing therapy as a person not actively in crisis, and as a result feeling a space within me growing. A space allowing me to better hear, support and love.
Here for you.